It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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