is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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