Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
