dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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