He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
