You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
