Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
