highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
