DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you win again, gameday.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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