nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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