My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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