you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
