if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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