Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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