One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
home. puking in laundry basket.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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