woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize