That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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