I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize