Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
