we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
