well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
