So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
