Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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