I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
