dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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