Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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