hell yes lets make some ravioli
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
