Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
