he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
ok first of all what the fuck
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
