Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
