all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
