The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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