so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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