i don't like sucking hair
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Randomize
