great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
