....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
