Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
