I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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