Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
