so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
