I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
4 words: hood of his car
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Randomize
