So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
