it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
