so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
