something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
