i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize