mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I need to sanitize my soul.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
