We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
ugly people sure do ruin things
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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