Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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