I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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