The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The power of my boobs compel you
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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