Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
