Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
