okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
