i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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