Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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