I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
