Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
