Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
