Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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