thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
