did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
