after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
