90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
