You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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