so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
