there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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