I like to think it a success when the cops are called
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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