I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
