you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
