dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
