he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
