i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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