I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
