i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
